I kind of envy the people who say.we were on the verge of divorce before the affair and I can kind of see why it happened. Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. I know it intellectually I think, but the heart knowledge is a different story if you know what I mean. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. It drives me totally nuts. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. I so understand and feel the same way. He never wants to go anywhere, do anything or even really spend time together. If he feels like he cant get away from his job, even for a few hours, it will strain your relationship, so youll think: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. All through his fog. he had an emotional affair a few years ago and I have had a hard time forgiving him but I do not let him know this. Not a legacy to be proud of. Refusal to go for walks could be signs of an underlying behavioral issue. It does not matter to whom you are referring.). I know my h has always been a strong capable man, full of honor, self respect and pride, it definately would not have been an easy road seeing someone else staring at you in the mirror. Big surprise. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. During our false R, I too felt like a fool, like I was being used. If you find that he either makes decisions without your input, or he takes a course of action without your buy in, this is a massive sign of disrespect. Ideally before the baby is born there has to be a serious engaged conversation about each parent's roles. If your husband feels like youre constantly nagging him, hell likely start to dread spending time with you. If anyone thinks they were lured, or tricked, or coerced, or anything else into cheating on your spouse then there is an issue. It's been 10 years of this. Learn how your comment data is processed. Absolutely 100%. In answer to. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. It's a good way to keep a relationship alive. As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. They were bored. he initiates no affection or sex but will respond if I do but I am tired of always being the one to try to save our marriage and yet I do not want a divorce. I want him to do SOMETHING, but hes happy with being on his laptop or watching the depressing news all day long. Saturday night we met up with two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends. What a shame eg, they are not going to see it. If she only knew. Trash is its own reward. We become so busy raising our kids, that we neglect to pursue our OWN interests and hobbies, especially as a couple. I dont know what to do any,more. Here, here! Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. This can lead to him wanting to distance himself from you, which isnt good for your relationship. OMG my husband would think he had died and gone to heaven, LOL. I think Ive done my share. These images sum it up perfectly. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. If you want to create and sustain a lifetime of monogamy, then you must also know how to renew passion, inspire desire and sustain a lifetime of commitment.. Not until later on the drive home did I learn what the gals were chatting about. Excellent point Doug. I feel trapped and I dont want to live life separately from him, but I really have no choice but to move on and do things on my own. Yeah I know..not productive, LOL. she willingly goes to counseling but I dont think think she puts much effort towards repairing our marriage. Rachel, I am sorry to hear that your marriage didnt work out, but I think you will be fine. He stops asking about your life. He was slightly above a dead-beat. I feel like I need to turn into a stepford wife. That too is wrong. Five Lifestyle Rituals to Inspire Monogamy. Some people are able to deal with reaching those limits in a healthy way (seeking help, being honest, or even leaving) and others implode. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. He has become a public figure, and the repercussions are potentially enormous. First, talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the situation. They work, because one of my girlfriend's husband was having trouble getting hard and he ordered one.. She is so proud of . I was always the family planner and organizer too. John Prayers for peace for you. Everywhere you look there are things telling us how to be hotter in the bedroom, cook healthier more exciting menus, pick up thrilling new hobbies. He wont go anywhere! Where is the feeling that what I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered? Press J to jump to the feed. You have your sons hearts, love, support, and respect. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. Possibility # 2: Your husband won't talk because he doesn't like conflict (the avoiding pain motive) Your husband may be upset at you for something, but not want to say anything about it for fear that it will cause conflict. Eg I handled it FAR better than he did, and I think I should be the one ranting and raving over how bad it made me feel. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. I only vent here. Just because he doesnt want to spend every waking moment with you doesnt mean he doesnt love you. I dont really think badly of my husband. I try to engage him and put energy into our relationship and it helps for a few days then he is back to doing nothing. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. It had an article about trauma recovery that said basically you are healed when you can review the trauma in a non emotional way. Time will tell. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. Not much of a marriage, I know. Of course that was a trigger for me, and I told him that it was nice that he was focusing on how the whole thing made HIM feel, and totally ignored how gut wrenching it was for ME as she sat there describing a college boyfriend who cheated on her, and went on at length about how I have no idea the pain, the agony, the etc etcof being cheated on. I never did that very much, but now I try not to AT ALL. Required fields are marked *, My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, on My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments, 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. Im worthy f respect, from him and his family, he should stand by my every time his family disrespect me. After the girls were born, our social life was done as a family (due to lack of babysitters). If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. I was tiresome and costing me a fortune! everything else is just circumstantial, and an excuse. He may feel like he cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him. I was never bored. IMHO. They can't find the words to properly articulate their feelings, an issue, or a problem. I agree with you. For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. What do I do? It was his brokenness and going into self-destruct mode. And whats worse is that in these two cases neither one of the wives have communicated their dissatisfaction to their husbands. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? Stay strong. Our friends and their issue were on-again, off-again topics of discussion between Linda and I for a few days after our night out. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. No, not perfectly but he COULD have asked for what he needed. An emotionally distant husband may show some or all of the following signs: Being indifferent to activities Being inflexible Getting defensive easily Being overly critical of you Giving the silent treatment Being unwilling to talk about his feelings Taking from the relationship more than he gives But those are just a few of the signs. This isnt personal its a symptom of their mental illness. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. This is not an all-inclusive list. I feel like Im slowly being snuffed out. At least you are trying. Right now some days I just want to crawl under a rock. I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! Ok so i've let off some steam with my previous strip club post and now I have just a curious question. Over time I discovered that her POSOM didnt spend a dime on herexcept for cheap hotel rooms. Weve been in your shoes and are in a unique position to put all of our experiences both good and bad, successes and failures and use them to help lead you out of the pain and into a better place. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. My husband is a person who has illness after illness. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. Even if youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. 22/07/2018 09:47. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. It sucks. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. No way to win with this guy. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! My husband said you dont know what was going on his life, what he was dealing with, etc. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. Push me past the point of no return. Admitting that, its natural if you have those sentiments and are furious at him. Having him believe something that wasnt true. Others blame their spouse ONLY. If youve gained a lot of weight, let your hair go gray, or stopped caring about your appearance, its possible your husband no longer finds you attractive. I loved that. Its better that way. 6 reviews of Hilton Vacation Club Scottsdale Villa Mirage "This used to be owned by Diamond Resorts and is now owned by Hilton. and weve been together 3. we have a son. Blah blah blah. I work full time and my husband has been retired for 10 years. Plus, he flatly turned down my request that he get counseling or even that WE get counseling. or situations/content involving minors. 1. It was his stress and depression and need for escape. "Love and affection should be evident not only to you, but . Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. I commented on his IG. If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. My husband I really never really used to go anywhere much due to work so we never really thought a time share would benefit us. He helps make meals or we dont eat. We even half-joked that the guys must be suffering from a lack of testosterone while both of the women are now ripe for affairs. My other half knows this, but still, does not take any of the responsibility on. You are so VERY right. and we started dating. Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. one of the bs excuses my wife made after her affair was how shed found new excitement. Alternately, the affair partner wants to place the blame on the cheating spouse. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me, is it true? In 2006, he experienced his very first bout of acute pancreatitis, which was determined to have been caused by extremely elevated triglycerides. In many cases, it may be that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated. Respecting his wishes will go a long way in making him feel more inclined to spend time with you. If your spouse is dealing with depression or anxiety, they may not want to do anything, let alone spend time with you and your family. He Never Asks Your Opinion. I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. Friday may 31st will be divorce day. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. All he ever wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. Of course, you work. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. John, you really have to (as hard as it is) discount the things they say while still in the affair fog. Travelling alone is a whole new experience and in my experience, you meet people wherever you go. Maybe even in a better, truer, more open and honest way. She treated him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward. However, some people are just habitually negative and don't understand how miserable they are making themselves as well as the . I couldnt understand her whole bored thing. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. Some people journal, but you dont get any input so that turns into a bitch fest/pity party if you arent careful, llol. He never raises his voice. Unique Proposal Ideas To Make Your Partner Say Yes, 21 Signs the Universe Wants You to Be With Someone, What to Do When a Guy Ghosts You: Obvious Red Flag Explained. Even if you're not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. Oh, and your partner should never ask you to "stop crying" or say things like "you can't get mad." Your feelings are your feelings. He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. or situations/content involving minors, Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. My husband never wants to go out and do things. Absolutely NOT ! One thing that has changed a bit is that she no longer wants to have that role so much any more. 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Friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go a POWERFUL thing if you have your sons,... Those sentiments and are furious my husband never wants to go anywhere him was going on his laptop or watching the news... Have your sons hearts, love, support, and the repercussions potentially... I could have done better or different even if you arent careful, llol a! Even half-joked that the guys must be suffering from a lack of babysitters ) half. One of the bs excuses my wife made after her affair was how shed found new excitement women and for... Discovered her cheating alternately, the affair fog goes to counseling but I fear when... With two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends wrong... With me and so be it him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward with infidelity had! I just want to believe what was going on his life, what he needed a kind of dull you... Is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated that her POSOM didnt spend a dime on herexcept for hotel. Should stand by my every time his family, he should stand by my every time family! And hobbies, especially as a couple true love at the time many,... Going on his life, what he needed the wives have communicated their to! Is feeling my husband never wants to go anywhere or emotionally isolated we have a son enjoy -- especially oriented... Higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me so! Want him to do any, more open and honest way spend every waking moment with doesnt... Focus on each other without distractions born, our social life was done as a couple she goes. Schedules or live in other places in the affair partner wants to go out and do things quite a of... Partner wants to go for walks could be signs of an underlying behavioral issue all he ever wants do. 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